Life’s Storms

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It’s surprising to find myself feeling called to write about faith, running, and love when ALL of those things are so messy for me right now. It’s a reminder of how God’s plan doesn’t usually make sense when you’re in the midst of something new.

Life can change in the blink of an eye…

My faith has blossomed over the past few years… I’ve been so blessed to have landed in a church that is focused on transformation. It’s exactly what my life was needing and still is.

I started going to church every Sunday through my second divorce. I sat alone and would weep each week. Crying is a very private thing for me and has been throughout my life. I was taught that being “too sensitive” was a weakness, a flaw, so I used being strong as a way of coping. But, that’s impossible for me at church. The music and the message pierce my heart and draw the tears I try so hard to stuff.

Going to church was very much an “alone in a crowd” situation for me. Seeing the couples sit close and watching a husband put his arm around his wife would sting me with pangs of jealousy and loneliness. I felt like such a failure. That I had used up my chances at love and was destined to go through life alone.

My friend invited me to sit with her and her group on Sundays and I was quickly adopted into the “family.” I was led to a Church Family that has forever changed my life. To have generations of people that provide wisdom, faith, and love has filled such a huge void in my life and has given my daughter the extended family we don’t have here. It’s given us the community that church is meant to be.

One woman has especially touched my heart… She’s the most beautiful blend of Southern Belle with a twist of sass. She is the epitome of what we are called to be as believers… a faithful servant of God. She cares for people so truly, so authentically. She has the most powerful ability for prayer that brings immediate tears and relief, simultaneously. She radiates a warmth that allows anyone around her to be raw and vulnerable. She drops everything to be present for the ones she loves. She’s spoken more truth and scripture into me than anyone else ever has. She’s taught me to see myself as God sees me, which has helped to heal the deepest wounds in my heart. She speaks words of comfort without judgement or criticism. Her gorgeous blue eyes sparkle with such love, such joy. She is the older sister I never had.

She’s also fighting the final stages of cancer.

Cancer is pure evil. There’s no other explanation for it.

It’s heartbreaking to see such an amazing woman, so grounded in faith, to suffer this way. For her to endure chronic unbearable pain for months is beyond reason. The cancer is viciously spreading with a speed that is unheard of.

Without a doubt she is fighting this attack with every ounce of her being. She thanks God for every breath. She’s being lifted in prayer daily by so many and still, it progresses. It’s heartbreaking to know that she may miss so much she’s looked forward to… graduations, weddings, grandbabies. That this disease has taken so much of her former life… Her freedom, her peace, and her comfort have all been stolen.

The only relief comes in knowing that she will be at home with God in Heaven when it’s His time to call her up. That her misery will be over, eternally. There’s no question where she’ll be when it’s her time. Knowing that is the only peace I can find.

I don’t know how to deal with this… the grief comes in waves of anguish and sorrow. Her mind is failing at this moment and I’m afraid I might’ve missed my chance to tell her how much I love her. If she knew that this experience has shaken my faith, she would be devastated. It would dishonor her to allow that to continue.

All I can do is try to find purpose in the pain. To honor her in a way that allows her legacy to flourish. To live life as she does, the way God calls us to live… To take in the broken and give a safe space to heal. To give grace to myself and others. To know that actions of humility and mercy speak louder than any words. To find my worth in God and guide others to do the same. To love on my daughter in a way that allows her sprit to bloom. To share my story in a way that grants peace. To know that God places people in our lives with such purpose and to be mindful of nurturing those relationships. To strive to draw closer to God. To run toward redemption.

In honor of Janet

17 Comments on “Life’s Storms

  1. So beautifully said. You are truly blessed to have someone like this in your life. Keep God close to your heart and he will help you through this. Janet has also been lucky to have you in her life. Stay strong she would want you to..

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  2. You are truly gifted in many ways. I believe God gave you the gift of healing. You are strong and an inspiration to many of us women. Love this article keep them coming.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Both you and Janet are blessed with each other.I am so sorry that we are not close go you and Eliza but knowing you have God in your heart makes the pain a little easier. KEEP believing and being strong . Know always that I love you very much.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for sharing this. Just lost my sis to cancer Jan 2, now my brother is diagnosed with lung cancer. It is a storm, others don’t understand my pain. Wrestling with faith, rage, grief, whole range of emotions. Good to know I’ll come out the other side of this at some point.

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    • Pat, Iโ€™m so sorry… itโ€™s so much loss to go though. I understand all the emotions and the random times they hit. Iโ€™m working to keep the faith. Thank you for sharing and God bless!

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  5. Love your blog Andrea. I can only imagine what everyone is going through. Lost a good friend due to widow maker. He was in the ER already- coded. The team was unable to bring him back.

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    • Iโ€™m so sorry… that must have been so tragic, so sudden. None of this is easy to process. I appreciate you sharing and your kind words so much! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

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  6. I really needed to read this today!!! I lost 2 of my best friends this past year. This article was written as though you knew my friend that I lost in November due to cancer, she sounds just like your incredible friend that is still fighting her battle!! What an incredible honor for both of us to be shown what a woman after Godโ€™s heart looks like even in the midst of unspeakable suffering!!! I have gone through every possible emotion and have rested in knowing that she is at the feet of Jesus and will praise Him for eternity!!! I will be praying for you and your friend as you continue on this journey and please know that God will hold you in His arms no matter the outcome โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ™

    Liked by 1 person

    • Micah, thanks so much for sharing… losing two friends must be so much to bear. ๐Ÿ˜ข Itโ€™s good to hear that youโ€™ve found comfort in your faith… gives me hope to do the same. Prayers up for you. ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿป

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